I recently had breakfast with a new friend and mentioned I used to journal my motherhood experiences but have not gotten any posts out in the last 3 years. I had no good reason for abruptly stopping but, that my creative process required a tiny space, where I’m uninterrupted, which by definition of my current status; is just not an option.
The definition of my “current status” should be simply; the words Mom, momie, Mumma said out loud 25 times followed by radio silence. However, I am a sucker for a challenge and here we are. Proving even 10 minutes a day, is enough to produce a post a week.
Christmas 2024 was beautiful, there’s so much to be grateful for; Health, happiness and a heart full of hope, for a year just as beautiful as the one gone by. It’s also the first Christmas in our new home.
Funny 4th Christmas tradition
My children both had pacifiers as babies into their toddler years and only for bedtime until the 4th year. Although after the 3rd year, the pacifier was more for emotional support. Especially, around the flu season or a bad dream; which are so common at that age. However, they are so possessive of these attachments; it’s a difficult conversation to have with a child and forbid them from accessing their pacifier, designed to pacify.
German parks will often have that one ugly scanty tree with pacifiers hung on them, or if one has a garden and a tree or bush at home the Schnuller/ Schnullie will be offered/ hung on the tree to only find a little bag of gummy bears in it’s place the next morning. That’s a practice I’ve seen work so well for many families.
My child wasn’t very trusting of a park tree and we lived in an apartment. So I decided to wait till a tree comes to live with us long enough for my son to build trust, trust it with his most prized possession, The Pachi. So the time came October of 2021, I planted the idea. “At Christmas, when Baby Jesus is born he’d need pacifiers and you’ve got the best one, would you want to offer up yours for a special wish that only baby Jesus can grant?” And smiled calmly but inside desperately hoping he’d buy in. I repeated this at every bedtime up until the holy evening of Dec 24th.
And it worked, my child willingly hung them on the tree but walked away sobbing knowing – Tonight is going to be hard but tomorrow will be great. The next morning, as wished a shiny blue scooter with light up wheels parked by the tree in exchange for his gift. This gift was even more dear, as I had previously denied him a scooter for being too small. He’s never spoken of his pacifier again.
Let’s jump to November 2024, I rerun the same story for Dani this time I had a believer to chime in.
And I don’t really ask for what she wanted, I simply say, “If you would like to give your pacifier to baby Jesus and in return baby Jesus will …… ( paused for a millisecond)” she finished my sentence, “ will… make me a princess” Her eyes glistened at the thought. And this conversation is picked every single night until the 24th December.
This princess is the first out of the bed everyday, thank goodness I’m a night person. This is what she woke up to, A core memory made with zero abandonment issues from the pacifier. It’s like suddenly over night she believed- She’s a big girl, a princess and doesn’t need the pacifier anymore.
Twenty twenty four
For this year, my one theme or resolution was to break my boundaries, in less dramatic and minuscule gestures. If there was something I politely declined in the past, I promised to give it another chance this year. Turns out, there’s things- especially food I’ve become more accepting of as years go by. Onions or sardines are surprisingly not as bad as I imagined.
I rarely go out of my comfort and a conscious effort was needed; as my mind screamed; Nope- nope- nope! I lift my hand and committed to it. I volunteered to be a parent representative for my son’s class, an association of about 100 representatives where all discussions will obviously be held only in German and I’m still getting a grip on the German Language but if I don’t place myself in discomfort I will never know the comfort, of holding an effortless conversation. This rule can hold true to most things in my life, like this blog post that I passed down for 3 years including all of this year.
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” — Tony Robbins.
So if you don’t already have a fun resolution for your 2025, here’s one that made my 2024 so much fun, without the fuss. These are a few steps I followed:
1. Recognize, if there’s something you immediately declined. Learn to recognize that force of habit.
2. Pause, not for dramatic effect. Take a breath and make sure you aren’t putting yourself in harms way and generally oxygenating your brain to prepare for discomfort or surprise.
3. Be optimistic, to allow the process to have a positive effect on you. Often, our habits are based on emotions; emotions that have long since faded and need rewriting. Like my sardine aversion, Rewritten!
4. Celebrate, the thrill of trying something new. Your tiny dose of Dopamine.
Who knows, you might even surprise yourself with a new favorite. Here’s to a fascinating year of learning more, about yourself !
My Ugly Journal 