The Dada

When it comes running a family, it could be keeping up with the family calendar, attending to the needs of the kids, groceries, weekly menu selection and the general functioning and upkeep of the home, women do most of the heavy lifting but we’d be lost without the support of our partner. I truly understood the meaning in the phrase “better half” after our second baby.

Josef our first born was nothing out of the ordinary, a healthy morning baby, he had bad days but mostly good. I’d have sleepless nights but if I nodded off with him during the day, I had a clean slate. Somehow, on a daily basis, I felt immense exhilaration on fulfilling a neat baby schedule. Something I took great pride in, I still do. And with little or no assistance from Kevin I got by, just fine. I felt (still feel) it is the best job in the world. Josef kept me on my toes but I rarely ran to Kevin for help with chores. However there was a good heap of emotions I spilt over and needed his help to pull it through.

What kept me going?

My friends and family would send messages to wish me well and give advice but I often struggled to relate to it. What worked for one mum may or may not work for you. Truthfully, I can’t remember most of the credible advice. That’s the strange part of being a first time mum, you really want to do it your way; suggestions, opinions and recommendations can often come of as criticism, judgement and generalization. You really don’t want another person sharing their lives stories when you are enjoying your limelight. Sadly, there’s always going to be at least one mum who’ll melt your ears with their vivid memories. And this is when the better half really come to the rescue. The optimistic and realistic part of me had gone for an long siesta; I would often burst with emotions drifting in different directions and it was Kevin’s task to rewire me. (The best use of his engineering degree)

Danielle our second born, a complete night owl. As a new born she needed more nursing and that lead to a whole pile of digestive issues. The first 3 months; so called 4th semester of the pregnancy, the baby day is Eat- Sleep- Repeat. I had messed up half the routine and the other just fell apart in a dash. She spent just as much time on her bed, as she hung on Kevin’s arm; a sloth on a branch. (The belly hold/ arm drape is a fool proof colic relief position, the only way she would calm down)

What kept me going?

We were ready for this, I had my game face on; confidence was in abundance. Right from the start, pregnancy to the first few months; this was an entirely different experience. At first the adrenaline keeps you in high spirits; I can conquer the world and not even break a sweat. Once that wares, reality hit me and suddenly, I felt inadequately equipped. It was unusual times, the year 2020 but in my favor had Kevin working from home. I could wake up later and I knew josef wouldn’t be upset. It wasn’t imposed but an unspoken understanding that Josef would be with him while I regained my strength. This continued even up to the 7th month. More importantly, the attitude mattered. Kevin wasn’t helping me with Josef or the morning chores, he was simply doing his bit. We were busy to the very last second till our heads hit the pillow but we did it as a team.

We kept telling ourselves, This is only a phase and this too shall pass. I would have little to no time to plan a menu, so we would cook together. We would cook 4 or 6 servings enough for at least 2 days. We retained our old habits of play time at the park and long drives. More importantly, it was extremely crucial to put Josef first. He was dealing with a new person in his space and his behavior made all the difference in our parenting. His acceptance of his little sister was possible so easily because he didn’t have to fight for the attention.

I will leave you with some words of wisdom by my better half. Kevin says,

• Pee first, then (insert task). For instance feed/diaper change.
• Eat while your toddler eats.
• Don’t say you’ll make tea, just make it, drink it, carry on. (Everytime I’d say tea, Dani would wake up, my teas were jinxed)
• If you mess up, Blame it on old age.
• If you can do it when they’re awake, do it then.
• Air lift toddler if you must.

I’m sure you’ve seen cute pictures of babies holding a sign board with fun messages, one such read, I was born faster than it takes my dad to poop. In the case of Dani, it was so true. When I video called Kev to show him his new born daughter, he was sitting on the throne thinking I’m calling to kill time. I have officially invaded his personal space and ruined potty time for the rest of his life. I can’t lie, I have an evil satisfaction from it.

It’s been one week with Dani bear but only 2 days at home. I have a toddler who is ecstatic that he has a teeny tiny baby to watch. He’s also a little scared how delicate she is and at times stressed by her cry.

I absolutely love children, especially babies. I am also a sucker for hugs and one cuddly cousin put it to me straight. “You’re married now, why don’t you make your own baby to cuddle.” Thank you Nathan James Dsouza, look where your honesty has gotten me!

In one week I missed so much sleep, hair and a grip of reality. I profoundly miss being pregnant, my months of being big. Despite the difficult days, it was the most precious phase of my life. I even loved my pregnancy closet. The belly was fun, it was cute and in all honestly I got too comfortable with it. My doctor would ask me if I am eagerly awaiting the baby, I’d respond, I’m so content being pregnant- no rush getting the baby out.

Let’s talk about the hatch, the smell of a new born and the coos are incomparable, it’s my drug. I call it my reward for the 9 months of good behaviour and patience. Dani is born a healthy baby, until she was exhausted, weak and too sleepy to feed. Her bilirubin counts would just not drop it began at 16mg/dl and kept rising.

The caregivers at the hospital would say my mantra should be “Nurse for longer and plenty”. And I did exactly that for 5 days and nights. She was poked, tested and grilled under the autumn sun so many times, my heart just ached. The reality was straightforward and I couldn’t do much, because my blood group is O-positive and my infant is most probably not of the same blood group her body had to work extremely hard to stay awake. It’s the mum’s antibodies that work against the newborns delicate body. If you would like to know more, It’s called neonatal hyperbilirubinemia.

Thank god for formula milk and a Justus von Liebig, who introduced the first commercial infant formula in 1867. Countless babies have been strengthened, mine included. There is nothing more satisfying than watching an infant sleeping peacefully.